You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize