Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

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  (248): I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose. http://tfl.nu/ckrs
  Replies (12) Good night (1097) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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  (330): Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope http://tfl.nu/5njb
  Replies (17) Good night (584) Bad night (4070) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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  (940): and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/usna
  Replies (12) Good night (2395) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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  (239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16
  Replies (7) Good night (3506) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

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  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3313) Bad night (5640) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

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  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
  Replies (21) Good night (3643) Bad night (1762) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.

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  (310): Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show. http://tfl.nu/bzbb
  Replies (3) Good night (1158) Bad night (707)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.

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  (937): She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend. http://tfl.nu/pjkv
  Replies (11) Good night (2152) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.

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  (951): I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them. http://tfl.nu/loif
  Replies (33) Good night (1848) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

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  (760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it! http://tfl.nu/qsog
  Replies (10) Good night (2097) Bad night (483)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.

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  (718): Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/imva
  Replies (5) Good night (1657) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable

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  (603): I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable http://tfl.nu/70go
  Replies (9) Good night (1402) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He was uncircumcised

  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis

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  (480): He was uncircumcised (480): It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis http://tfl.nu/js6u
  Replies (15) Good night (1011) Bad night (1289)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??

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  (404): Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!?? http://tfl.nu/bcjv
  Replies (0) Good night (379) Bad night (1407)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...

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  (607): I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street... http://tfl.nu/0y14
  Replies (11) Good night (1235) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt

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