Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
