wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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