in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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