I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
