if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
