Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
