ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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