i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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