I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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