my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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