Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
