i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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