Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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