Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize