She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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