She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize