And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
