I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
