In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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