That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize