found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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