all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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