Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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