i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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