the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??