Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.