I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member