dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?