i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?