i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
