and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
