My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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