hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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