Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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