I threw up into my coffee this morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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