You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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