i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.