I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore