can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊