We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.