I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
