I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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