The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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