im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
