I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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