Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
