she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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