if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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