ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
