I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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