I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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