My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
