I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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