so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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