it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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